i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
