That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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