i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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