you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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