i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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