Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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