Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
