I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
