I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
