Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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