his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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