i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
