3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
