I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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