Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
