My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
