we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
