The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
