Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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