If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
