first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
