i just wanna soil my oats bro
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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