now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
