If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's blow job season.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
