i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
