Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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