somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
