I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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