Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
