Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
