I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
