Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
