I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
one might say we're banned from that church
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
