so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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