I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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