Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
