Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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