new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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