well I can't set my house on fire every night
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
