Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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