I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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