you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
