If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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