There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
