Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
