You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
