My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
