i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
