Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
