Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
