I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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