Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
