I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
