hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
