I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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