So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
