Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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