you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
