im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
