Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
