its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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